How to unsuccessfully run a retail shop (& close your doors in just a few months)

A (tongue-in-cheek) guide to store management, for people who don’t want to be in business:

Overstocking your shop is a great way to lose money by needing to do huge markdowns to move old inventory down the track

Idea 1
Guess prices, or have a broad percentage markup. Don’t study competitors, & certainly don’t consider any ways of adding extra value to a product.

Idea 2
Don’t worry too much about cleaning, no-one’s in your shop very long they’ll get over it. Anyway it might make them realize you’re too busy for such things.

Idea 3
Buy huge amounts of inventory stack it all over your shop – someone might see something they like, you never know.

Idea 4
If you don’t know the answer to a customer’s question say “I don’t know.” leave it at that. If you don’t want to do something say “It’s against our policies”.

Idea 5
You have a store aimed at a certain demographic someone unexpected walks in. Glare at them, ignore them or watch them like a hawk. What are they doing here anyway?

Idea 6
If you’re open, you’re open, right? Who needs an open sign?

Idea 7
Capture Joe Average (whoever he might be) by “sitting between chairs” about the target market you are aiming at. Pretend there isn’t a target market, or try to target everyone. Its uncomfortable but you never know, someone might buy something……sometime……

Idea 8
Save money by not replacing fixtures light bulbs when they’re dead…. Save by not spending money on carry baskets, too. Customer experience – what’s that? (if they have a sore back, that’s their problem)

Idea 9
Security? Ha – that’s an added expense, too. Ignore the fact that a US report put the cost of shoplifting around 25-40 billion a year…..

In terms of store layout there are 2 ways you could go to be really unsuccessful: you could spend all your time marketing to bring customers into the shop without worrying too much how the shop’s layout is, OR you could particularly focus on not worrying about the front part of your shop, as this is the first impression. Just whatever you prefer…

P.S. We really don’t want you to do all the above, if you actually want to succeed be in business for years to come we recommend doing the opposite.

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